Monday, 18 November 2013

PART 4: FRUSTRATION

As time goes on I become more and more frustrated. I have a million ideas, yet very limited resources. There are so many things I want to do and create, but I can't. I want to make paintings, make clothes, put together outfits, do photo shoots, and take a million beautiful pictures to post on my blog, but I can't. I don't have the money to buy canvases or clothes or make up. At the moment I have one tiny canvas, yet I have so many ideas for paintings. My clothes, god. I haven't been able to afford any high quality pieces in a long time. I've been wearing stuff that I've accumulated from high school and even MIDDLE SCHOOL. Obviously I like these clothes because I haven't gotten rid of them, but they've also become very boring. Maybe it'd be new to other people, but to me it just really isn't good enough. As far as make up, I've just started getting into it. I only have basics like eyeliner, mascara, foundation, etc. I don't even have any good lipsticks. I'm really trying to build up my collection but it's hard. I also don't have a high quality camera. I mean, technically I could put together an outfit and post it up (and I have in the past), but in my opinion, if the quality of the photo isn't good no one is going to look at it anyway, so there's no point. I feel empty when I look at some other people's blogs because I wish that was me. I watch their make up tutorials, or look at their clothing and make up hauls and I'm honestly jealous. I want to do what these people are doing too but I'm so limited. Right now I just feel as if I'm not doing enough, and it kills because I can't do anything about it. I'm trying to do what I can with what I have available, but like I said, I just feel like it's not enough. I really want to create all these things, to feel fulfilled by what I'm doing, and to move forward in life, but I have to wait.

At first I was ok with waiting. I was ok with the fact that some things were going to take a long time and that I was going to move slowly, but now I'm just irritated. I've done everything I can do, I've finished everything. I'm ready to move forward now, but I'm stuck.

/firstworldproblems

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