Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Part 12: Progress

So, the year is almost half way over... I can't believe how fast the time is passing. Anyway, this year is not ending up at all how I wanted it to, but to be honest, I think my expectations were too high. I kinda forgot how ill I am, or maybe I got sicker, I don't know. I've spent a lot of time being sleep deprived, and a lot of time beating myself up this year. I had a great opportunity this year that I had to pass up because of my anxiety. It kind of killed me inside that I couldn't accept. But I've learned to be kinder to myself, and that I just need to focus on getting better, and some day I can try again.

I have to blame my dog for my lack of sleep. Anyone who has had a puppy will understand. He's 9 months old now, and for the past few months my life has almost completely revolved around him. I decided I needed to get more serious about training him, because for anyone who doesn't know, I'm training him as a service dog. I should have started getting serious about it sooner, and I've made some mistakes, but I'm seeing a lot of progress. And even though he isn't fully trained, and sometimes he drives me crazy, he still helps me. He's getting me out of the house every day and I can count on him when I'm sad, so in general I'm feeling a lot healthier. And now that he's sleeping through the night and I can crate him for a few hours a day, things are getting a ton easier. My cats also turned 1 year old this month, which made me feel pretty sentimental. They are doing great too.

So that's why I haven't posted anything in a month. I didn't really even realize until today. But I think I can start filming videos once a week now. Yesterday I kinda did a test run. I crated my dog and then got ready and was able to film 2 videos. So I think I can commit to that as long as I'm feeling well enough ;)

One thing I've been thinking about is how different I am from around this time last year. I see a huge difference. I feel so much healthier, and I just, I don't know, I just feel like I'm moving in the right direction. Things aren't perfect, but I think I've put down the ground work to get there. And even when I fail, I'm able to pick myself back up a lot quicker. So yeah, that just makes me really happy and gives me hope for the future. But I need to remember to be realistic!

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