Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Part 14: 2016

Let's be honest, 2016 was horrible for everyone. So many things happened around the world that just made us go, "really? This is a joke right?" It has been truly unbelievable the terrible things that have happened this year. And it's been pretty bad for me too. I've either been injured, depressed, or sick the entire year. Literally. The past few weeks I've been incredibly sick with a sinus infection. Had to go on antibiotics. I'm fairly sure I've been sick for months but didn't listen to the signs. So that's definitely something that I've learned this year, I need to listen to my body. When I've been injured or sick this year, I've tried to just ignore it and keep pushing on. But that just results in me being injured or sick for even longer. I need to learn to just lay in bed and sleep it off until it's over. It's just really hard when I see myself as someone with so many responsibilities. I don't want to let my pets or my husband down. I want to keep being a strong person. Their rock. But sometimes I don't want to let myself down either, and it's hard. It's so hard for me to accept when I'm not well. I expect so much from myself. I think we as humans are too smart for our own good. But now all I hope for really is that in 2017 I will just be healthy. No sickness, no injuries, minimal depression, PLEASE.

Despite all of the garbage this year has brought, I am finally starting to feel like myself again. Actually, myself but better. The medication I'm on is working wonderfully. I've hardly been depressed or anxious. I'm able to push myself in situations that would have made me nervous before. I've been motivated, have had a huge drive to work. I'm even a little chatty. It's so strange. I was so introverted before that I did not enjoy talking to other people at all. Now I will strike up short conversations with people, or at least not respond in a way that tries to end the conversation as quickly as possible. So I'm certainly not an extrovert or anything now, but having small talk with someone doesn't piss me off and ruin my day. I've generally just had a feeling of content. It's kind of funny really. When I started taking the medication I was like, "wait...what is this feeling? Happiness?!" I felt as though before I was the Grinch, and after my heart grew 3 sizes larger. I felt as though, perhaps, I had never even truly felt happiness before. You know, my life certainly isn't perfect now. Everything isn't fixed. But I just feel warm. No longer do I just feel cold and dead inside. I just feel a little warm and fuzzy all of the time. It's just kinda nice.

I feel like I'm kinda ready for 2017. I've resolved nearly every issue I had in 2016. With every problem that I had this year, you know, I didn't get enough time to train my dog. I did a lot, but not enough. So I sent him to a training place for a few weeks and he's coming back tomorrow. My sickness is nearly over. I'm excited to see him. I'm motivated, and it hasn't even been that cold outside. I'm going to get a curriculum together. I bought a planner. I'm just ready to finally have a year where I kick ass... without hurting myself (for once). I think finally everything has fallen into place. It's kind of incredible, like, I was having issues with some of my neighbors. And by a random turn of events, one of them actually moved away, and the other resolved the issue with us. I couldn't believe it.

So to be honest, December wasn't that bad compared to the rest of the year. And actually, my Christmas wasn't half bad. I decorated, for once, bought a bunch of presents for my husband, we made turkey and watched Christmas movies. It was nice. Halloween wasn't bad either. Just watched scary movies and ate candy. And in November we went on a quick vacation for our anniversary. My favorite parts was going to an extremely overpriced but fancy restaurant, the king size bed, going swimming, playing lazer tag for the first time, and going to a magic show that had parrots and tigers! Not to mention, we went to an arcade and my husband won hundreds of tickets within 10 minutes. I shouldn't have been surprised, honestly, because he has always been naturally good at games.

So all of that being said, I am a little worried about not getting in enough time to work in the next year. Like I hardly had time to work this year, but hopefully that was all because of the sickness or whatnot. Definitely my priority is training my dog, and being with my family, but I hope I have time to work and accomplish things outside of that too, because I actually love to work. I love everything that I do. It's hardly work because it all makes me so happy. I get to be creative, and that's just my favorite.

So perhaps this has been my most uplifting update so far. Things are looking up. So much has fallen into place. And hopefully 2017 isn't so deplorable that we have to keep questioning if we exist in the worst possible timeline. That's it for now. And to my readers, make to sure to have a happy New Year :)

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